Not So Crunchy

 I'm not as crunchy as I thought I was.

For you non-mommies out there, crunchy is a term applied to a certain style of parenting. Eco-friendly, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, natural remedies, organic and unprocessed foods-stuff like that would fall into the "crunchy" category.
I started out with the best intentions. Breastfeeding didn't work out for us. Formula is expensive without being organic, so already I was filling my son with dangerous chemicals and pesticides. We tried cloth diapering-for a long time-but the continual diaper rashes and lack of good quality diapers made me throw in the towel. I don't make the money around here, so I can't go buy things willy nilly. Papa Bear was tired of the rashes and said, "No more" to fluffy bottoms. I never thought twice about giving Baby Bear Oragel or Motrin for his teeth. Didn't even bother with the homeopathic remedies. That I can defend, because the teething tablets contain unregulated amounts of belladonna. I'm not taking that risk.
I did make Baby Bear's baby food. Never bought any tiny jars of purees, not even Earth's Best. I used organic where I could, but once again, organic is expensive, so it wasn't totally pesticide free.
I did babywear. I loved babywearing. My Sleepy Wrap was an invaluable resource for at least the first 10 months or so. But then, Baby Bear got big. The Sleepy Wrap offered little support for him, and it is time to get a new carrier.  I want a Mei Tai, but I am concerned because Baby Bear doesn't tolerate being smooshed up against me anymore. I don't want to spend the dough if he's going to wiggle his way out and be miserable.
So, it turns out, I am pretty mainstream. It bothers me. I mean, there is nothing WRONG with that, but I kind of feel like this is taking the easy way out. Maybe I should have tried harder. Baby Bear is fine. He's happy. He's healthy. He's growing. Growing slowly, but growing.
Things just didn't work out the way I planned on them working out. This is the understatement of the year. I could go on, but I'm not really feeling like going into details on the internet, and most of those who are close to me know what's going on. I can only hope that things will change soon and for the better.
Well, this post is just a downer, isn't it? Sorry to bum you all out. The three of you who read this, that is. Let's end this on a positive note, shall we? The weather is glorious and Baby Bear and I are going outside to play. We already went on a walk this morning, so we'll putter around the front yard. Maybe we'll find some bugs to look at or some flowers to eat. =)