Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Hermit-y Hermit Crab

This is how I feel today.
I got invited to a bible study by a neighbor.  I'll be honest, I didn't really want to go. However,  I have a really big problem with telling people no. I don't know what it is, I just cannot tell people no. So, I went. It wasn't at my church. It was at a Baptist church. There's nothing wrong with that, but we had a bad experience at a Baptist church in South Carolina so I tend to be wary of them. That, and I am perfectly happy at our church.  I'm not church shopping and I'm certainly not going to CHANGE churches, so I just wasn't thrilled about going somewhere else.
It wasn't horrible. The women there were nice, the message of the bible study was somewhat fitting to my current situation and I wasn't smote by lightning or anything. It's just not something I would have gone to if I hadn't been asked to go. I don't really want to go next week (or the next week, or the next week, etc.) However, I have somehow committed myself to going. I'm trying to be positive. It's a way to get out of the house and meet some new people. It's bible study, so at least God will be proud of me. However, sometimes I just don't want to go anywhere. Sometimes I am perfectly happy staying at home, not going anywhere, playing with Baby Bear all day. People ask me to do stuff with them and it just seems so difficult. It seems like there will be a large amount of effort required on my part, and really, I am all about my life being as simple as possible. Does that make me lazy? I don't think it's that. Some days it is really hard for me to be social- be polite, smile, make conversation. I feel like today I was putting on a big front and not being myself. I feel like being myself would not really be accepted by these ladies. It's exhausting to be someone you are not. I would rather have friendships that are effortless-you have things in common, share a similar outlook on life-and so forth.
On the other hand, one of the things said at this bible study was that random things are never random. It's just God acting in a way you were not expecting. So, is God trying to tell me he wants me to go to this thing? Is he trying to subtly kick me in the shins and say, "Hey! I'm trying to be in your life, so let me in"?  Would God be mad if I didn't go back? *sigh* I just want to stay at home.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Weight-Loss and Gain

I've been trying to lose my baby weight for about 11 months. (Read: Since the baby was born. Haha!) I did lose the majority of it in the few months after he was born, but I've stalled out. I'd still like to lose about 12 pounds. One of my New Year's resolutions was to lose this weight. Let me be honest here... I haven't been sticking to my diet very well. If Papa Bear would stop making chocolate chip cookies every weekend, I think I'd have a better chance. I have no willpower. Zero. It's really sad. The first few days of 2010 did not go well as far as food are concerned.
This week, I've been doing much better. I know one of my huge issues is eating when I'm bored, and eating when I'm actually thirsty. Also, my addiction to Diet Dr. Pepper. At least it's diet, I guess. That's how I rationalize these things, folks. It's sad.  I'm trying to drink more water. I keep a pitcher in the fridge all the time so it's nice and cold. I'm also trying to stop eating when I'm bored. If I do eat when I'm bored, I need to make better choices about what I'm eating. Not chocolate chip cookies... Today was a good day. I ate very little! I'm not trying to starve myself-that would be bad, but I didn't go crazy and eat all these snacky items between meals. I'm also trying to eat what Baby Bear eats. That kid eats better than Papa Bear and I, mainly because I don't feed him the crap that we eat.  For example, today he had turkey ravioli and peas for lunch. So, I made myself some steamed veggies and ate a slice of cheese. (I don't eat peas. They're only in the house for Baby Bear, hahaha!) If I consistently make better food choices, and watch my portions, I believe I can get rid of the rest of the weight. A little more exercise would help too.  =P

Now, weight gain- At Baby Bear's last pediatrician appointment, he'd only gained 4 ounces in a month. While the doctor said it's not uncommon for them to drop off, he was concerned because I mentioned Baby Bear was a pretty picky eater. Baby Bear loves his vegetables. But it's hard to get him to eat cheese, meat, or most fruits. We've been working on getting him to eat more to ensure he keeps growing. Today was a red letter day for eating. He ate an entire container of yogurt and a whole piece of toast. He probably would have eaten more, had I offered it, but I was concerned he wouldn't eat much lunch if I did. So, when lunch time rolls around, he ate his entire container of pasta, about 1/2 a cup of peas and two handfuls of puffs. I even got him to take some sips from his cup! That's a huge deal!  So, w00t! He needs to gain, and I need to lose. We're going to get through it together!
 Lastly, I'm following my friend Ashlee's blog, Fat Mom Blog, as she goes on her weight loss journey. She's having a giveaway this week, some awesome 100 calorie soups from Progresso, a soup bowl and a jump rope. Check it out! Also, read her blog, because she's awesome and deserves the support. =)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Not an Auspcious Day

Today was rough. I won't go into details, but Baby Bear is learning to test the limits. It's been a trying day, but I had a good, long talk (text?) with a good friend and I'm feeling much more centered. Zen.
Sometimes you have to step back and take a breather in order to get a grip on things. In my quest to become the "Best Mom Ever", I have to realize that even the best moms aren't perfect. Being the best mother to your child requires constant, minute changes to your parenting. Every day presents itself with some new challenge. Constantly moving, constantly meeting the changing needs of your child. (It sounds exhausting when you think of it that way!) All in all, today taught me a few things. First, don't believe everything you read. Second, though it was rough, I know one day I'll look back and laugh when I think, "Remember the day Baby Bear tried to eat the Christmas ornaments?".  One day I'll miss that. When I'm frustrated that he won't nap in his crib, I have to remember that he won't always want to snuggle with me on the couch. I have to take each day, one step at a time. I can't rush him.  They say God won't give you more than you can handle. He must me smiling at me, struggling with the handful he's sent my way!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

What's this? An Update?

I know you all can't believe it. Once you have recovered from fainting we'll continue.

Good? Ok. Here's some water. Let's do this.

As you all know, I resolved to be a better mom. That's such a tall order. It's not as if someone has told me, "You are a bad mom." I feel like I could be better. I'm directing the criticism at myself. Baby Bear is happy, healthy, and growing well. He's well-fed, clothed, and loved. But I can't help feeling that I could do better. Maybe I'm too hard on myself. Who knows? All I know is that I want to feel that I'm doing better. I don't know that I can even tell you what it is I'm supposed to be doing better. I just harbor (probably irrational) feelings of inadequacy. We're not going to dive any further into my psyche, I promise.  Just providing a little background information.

Anyway, Baby Bear and I are now attending Music N' Me classes. We went to our first on Monday. I can't stop talking about it, honestly. It was so much fun and Baby Bear really enjoyed himself. We had such a good time that I realized that this is exactly what I need. It's hard being a SAHM and doing basically nothing all day. There are only so many times you can visit Target. (Also, there's that point where you're walking around just placing random things in your cart-it's far too easy to spend money we don't really have budgeted out.) I want to get involved in more things like Music N' Me. For instance, I'd really like to start swim lessons with Baby Bear. But, that's another expense we haven't budgeted for. Wouldn't that be an awesome winter activity though? Getting to swim in a nice heated pool when there's snow on the ground holds great appeal to me. And, I love to swim, so any chance I get is awesome. I wish there were a YMCA fairy that would allow me to get a membership.  But I digress. The point I'm trying to make is that I need some outside direction on what to do with Brody. I wish someone could come over and give me ideas of what to do all day with him, besides chasing him around the house, preventing him from eating dog food, etc. I wonder if there is a book of age appropriate activities.  The library here has some amazing resources for homeschooling moms, but most of the materials start at preschool age. There's got to be some aimed at toddlers. What to daycares do all day? It's not like they're just letting the kids crawl around the room. Maybe they are, I don't know.
So, to get to the point again, these classes are great. I feel it's a good first step toward my attaining my goal of "Best Mom Ever."  It's humble, don't you think?

Friday, January 1, 2010

Resolutions. Goals. Dreams.

I have never made New Year's resolutions before. I find it difficult to hold myself accountable when I have something challenging ahead of me. I mean, this is not always true. I KNOW I can follow through with things, even in difficult situations, such as the time when I was working full time and in school full time. That was tough, but I made it through and I graduated. I know it is possible to make some changes.
I want to be a better mommy. I feel like I could do more with Baby Bear as far as interaction, education, and what not. I want to have the energy to do this. So, my resolutions are:
1. Lose the rest of the baby weight. It's been almost a year. I can't use the excuse, "I just had a baby." I only have about 10-15 pounds to lose to get back to where I would like to be. I can make this happen by making healthy food choices and making an effort to exercise more. I've got the Wii Fit. It's not like it is strenuous exercise, but it is SOMETHING I can do during the winter. As soon as it warms up, I'm walking everyday. Maybe we will find the extra money to get a Y membership.
2. Be there for Baby Bear. This includes not going back to sleep after his morning bottle. (Note: I am the one going back to sleep.) It usually takes some time to convince him that he needs to go back to sleep also, so I can use this energy to start some coffee, hop in the shower and start my day. EVEN if I am not going anywhere that day!  This will help us get on a better schedule and maybe his naps won't be so erratic. Also, make a point to TURN OFF THE TV. After I watch the news in the AM, it needs to go off. Better yet, it should never come on. I can tune into NPR on my laptop and get the news that way. No more zoning out when I could be playing with Brody or getting chores done.
I know number 2 encompasses many things, but it's a big change and it's something I want to do. I need to get my life together! My baby is almost a year old! Let's get back to reality, here! I've got to embrace my "Mommyhood".
I just feel like I've been a failure as a mom, lately. I know we can't all be supermom. I know there are worse mothers than me. But when I was pregnant, I never imagined that I would be this way. I planned for so much more! My baby was going to know sign language! I was going to read two books, everyday! Well, that didn't happen. So, now, almost a year later, I need to change. I need to be a better mom. That's just how it needs to be.