Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Birthday Fun

Baby Bear's party was this weekend. We had a really good time.  Friends and family whom we haven't seen in a while came up to join the fun. My sister was a tremendous help-I seriously could not have thrown the party without her. I owe her about three parties worth of help for everything she did for me!
Baby Bear received some really cute things for his birthday. Among the highlights, a LeapFrog Fridge Farm. It's a cute little animal matching game that sticks onto your fridge. (Obviously..heehee.) It sings songs and names the animals. I really like it. Baby Bear likes the animal magnets. He's been taking them off the fridge and hiding them in nearby cabinets. I have found them quite a few times already while preparing meals. He also got some lovely Swaddlebees cloth diapers, which I am in love with.  Hopefully, he can appreciate them as much as I do. I'm in the market for new prefolds, so having these new all-in-ones around will be extremely helpful while I'm waiting the buy them. Ultimately, I'd like to get a truckload of all-in-ones, but I will have to be patient and buy them one at a time.
In other news, we just spent a small fortune on new tires for my car. I was on the way home from running errands when I suddenly realized the car was not driving normally. I immediately suspected a flat tire, and sure enough, that's what it was. Having never changed a tire before, I was supremely grateful that Papa Bear had taken the day off. I called him up and he came to the rescue. I learned two things, one: I could probably change my own tire now. Two: We need a second carseat for Papa Bear's vehicle. Luckily, Baby Bear is still within the height and weight limits of his infant seat-but just barely. I'm not sure what I would have done if he didn't fit in that seat. I guess I would have been changing my own tire...Anyway, the flat couldn't be repaired so we had to purchase two new tires. My car has irregular tires so they're much more expensive than normal tires. I hate it. The next car I get will have normal tires and not require any specialty items.
What else is new? Baby Bear continues to be a picky eater. We have found a few things that he likes and will eat regularly, and that's pretty much all he gets. He doesn't like meat and is not a huge fan of his milk, so getting protein in him can be a challenge. Luckily, he enjoys peanut butter and whole grain bread so he's getting a little bit from those items. I know people can be vegetarians and be perfectly healthy, but Baby Bear is like a "yogurt-bananatarian" because that's all he'll eat. He does enjoy his vegetables, so at least we have that going for us. He did not gain any weight from his last checkup to his 12 mo appointment, but the doctor does not seem to be worried and I will try to trust his medical knowledge and expertise.
Not much else-there's a job opening that I'm toying with the idea of applying to. I don't feel any great sense of desire on this one, though. I think I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid I won't like it as much as my last job. I am also in FTM panic mode and don't believe anyone can care for Baby Bear like I can. The idea of daycare is daunting. Papa Bear is traveling a lot this month, so I'm waiting this job out. If the posting is still up when he's no longer jet-setting around the midwest, I might apply to it. We shall see. I like staying at home with Baby Bear, and I know some people would kill for the chance to stay at home with their kids. But it's something I struggle with, because I was raised with the idea that I could do anything, and being a housewife was something undesirable. I don't think my parents intentionally instilled this idea-but having two working parents your whole life makes you feel like you should be working, not sitting at home on your rear. Not that taking care of Baby Bear is some easy job-I don't sit around eating bon bons and watching Judge Judy. But, I feel like I should be doing more, I guess. Regardless, for the time being I am fairly happy staying at home, but I wouldn't mind getting a job. I've come to peace with the fact that I'm a mom that stays at home.
Lastly, there's an awesome giveaway at The Cloth Diaper Whisperer. These all-in-ones look fabulous and I'd love to win one to try it out!!
Pictures to follow!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

On Turning One...

I'm just not ready for this. Baby Bear is going to be one in a few days. ONE! That means he'll be a "toddler" and no longer a baby. I'm having mixed feelings about this whole situation. I'm not ready for some of the things that lie ahead, like weaning him from a bottle or getting rid of the pacifier.  I wasn't ready for him to stop tolerating the Sleepy Wrap. I loved having him snuggled up against me. Now, he considers it a medieval torture device. I guess I can understand-he wants to move around. He wants to explore and learn all about this crazy world on his own terms.
I'm really sad because I feel like it went too fast. When he was born, he was colicky until he was about 5-6 months old, no lie. I cannot say I enjoyed him during that part of his life. So, I've really only gotten the "happy" mothering experience for 6 months or so. I wanted to enjoy him when he was teeny, and I could not. The post-partum depression certainly did not help the situation. I feel like I missed out on something. And now, all we have ahead of us is "big kid" stuff.  No more buying formula. No more bottles. No more early morning snuggles on the couch. (Honestly, that ended a few months ago...boo.) No more babywearing. No more "My First" holidays.
Sometimes, I even miss getting up with him in the middle of the night. When we first brought him home, he would wake in the middle of the night to nurse, but would be so sleepy I had to keep waking him up to get him to eat. That poor kid would get stripped down to a diaper, in February, just so he'd be awake enough to eat. All I could think of then was, "Wait until he's 6 months...8 months...10 months... it will be so much fun." And it IS fun. I love his personality. I love making him laugh. I love watching him figure things out. But I never knew how fast it would all go by.  People always tell you to cherish the moments when they are small, because it does go by so fast.  Baby Bear's colic made it hard to cherish many of those moments, but the ones I do enjoy are held so close to my heart... The checker at the grocery store today was chatting with me about Baby Bear, asking me how old he was and such. Then he was going on and on about before I know it, he'll be going on his first date, getting married, and "leaving the nest". WHAT?? You stupid jerk, he's not even ONE yet! Quit making me feel terrible and lonely!
Ok, in that guy's defense, he had no idea how I felt about Baby Bear's big day. But I tell you, it was the last thing I wanted to hear. I'm really down about this. I'm not ready for Baby Bear to be a big boy. How in the world am I supposed to cope with this for the rest of his life if I'm having such a hard time about his first birthday?? It doesn't seem right that I should be lamenting this so much.
There are positive things about him getting older. I know there are. I just don't want to think about them right now. Sometimes you NEED to work through these low spots in your life. So, I'm letting myself stew a little bit.  I'm allowing myself to be mired in misery. By doing this, I hope to be feeling better about this whole mess in a few days. Hopefully before his birthday party. =)
Here's my tiny little man, brand new.
And here's his most recent mugshot.

*sigh* So big.